AtoZ Challenge; U is for Useless by A. F. Harrold

Liz Brownlee ♦ April 25, 2019 ♦ 2 Comments

A.F. Harrold is a children’s author and children’s poet who writes and performs for both grown ups and children. He can often be found in school halls pointing at children and sharing his poems, and even more often in the bath, thinking them up… His latest wonderful poetry book is Things You Find in a Poet’s Beard, illustrated by Chris Riddell in my favourite colour.  A. F.’s Website is here and Twitter here.

Here is the brilliant poem beginning with ‘U’ that A. F. has sent for the Poetry Feast:

.

Useless

I feel as useful as a kipper that’s been kept in a kettle,

as useful as a conker in your socks,

as useful as a top hat that’s been stuffed with orange jelly

and then balanced on the head of a fox.

I feel as useful as an ostrich on the number eighteen bus,

as useful as a desert in a pool,

as useful as a sausage that you’ve asked for assistance

with the homework that you’ve brought home from school.

I feel as useful as a cabbage that’s learnt to play cricket,

as useful as a llama on the moon,

as useful as a trifle that is sitting on the sideboard

saying ‘Eat me’ out of sight of a spoon.

But enough about me,

let’s talk about you…

.

© A.F. Harrold

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